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GASLIGHTING
Gaslighting is one of the most lethal techniques used by manipulators. It involves getting someone to doubt their perception and memories.The manipulator will sow seeds of doubt in the victim. Once the victim is at a mindset asking theirself "Am I crazy to think this", the doubt is already rooted. The manipulator follows up with misdirection, contradiction and/or blatant lying. In a nutshell, gaslighting involves desensitizing you to your own reality, until the truth becomes what the other person says it is.
In a relationship where the victim is financially or emotionally dependent on the manipulator, the victim may accept to let go of their reality because its more comfortable to do so than to stand up to the manipulator, only to end up losing the relationship. In the workplace, a subordinate may go along with the boss’s lies because he is afraid of losing his job. In a situation where a leader gaslight his followers, it often works because deep within, the followers want to believe whatever lies the leader is telling them.
Trivia
The term “gaslighting” originates in a British play-turned film from the 1930s. The play was called “Gas Light” and the plot is about a husband who mentally and emotionally manipulates his wife into believing she is crazy by changing the intensity of the gas lamps within their home.
These are some of the techniques manipulators use to keep up with their stranglehold:
Withholding. This is when the manipulator refuses to listen to the victim, or even pretend to not understand. Often, they can deny having such conversation and the victim blames themself for not being able to communicate better.
Countering. The manipulator diverts the conversation to questioning the validity of your memory and perception, even suggesting that you were drunk, tired, or emotional during the event in question. Then they would offer an alternate version of the event where they are the hero, or sometimes the "real victim".
Blocking and Diverting. This is very similar to countering but mainly stays around questioning the way the victim is thinking, to avoid the issue that was raised.
Trivializing. This is when the manipulators makes the victim feel that their feelings are not important, or they are overreacting. The victim gets accused by blowing things out of proportion.
One way to find out that you are a victim of this is when you feel fuzzy about your own beliefs, thoughts, and feelings whenever you are with someone. You might also be apologizing for "being mistaken", or you might constantly rationalizing for the manipulator and call this "giving the benefit of the doubt".
Next: Projection
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