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Help Relationship advise needed.

iamlost

Leecher
This is really out of character for me. I am not the type that shares feelings and such. 1st time ko din mag post ng ganito and I feel like this is not the venue for this. I guess I am just desperate....

I am on a very long term relationship 10 years+ . To put it short, I feel like my girlfriend that I am in love with ay hindi na sya. I am not sure but i think I am feeling out of love na. To make things clear, this is not due to a 3rd party or what not.

When I met this woman , shes is independent, caring, and loving. I know that she is not a 100% not those anymore. She still care and love me and like anyone else that is falling out of love there is a BUT, When we started our relationship we were both young adults striving to survive in this world. We were working an 8 - 5 job but after 2 years nung naging kmi she stopped working. Initially I thought she just needs to rest since our work industry is quite stressful. Which is fine , to be honest I can earn nmn for us to survive. We don't plan to have kids and such which my young ãdül† mind can justify since we are surviving nmn. I guess going to a young middle age man's mind since we don't plan to have kids , our goals should adjust too. Of course, I try to make her on the same page with that, but her attitude towards getting a job didn't change. Now she has been out of work for almost 9 + years. Which is on a daily basis not a problem as I said we can survive with my earnings but I feel like she being too dependent of me. We didn't even had a talk that this will be the case na, To be fair with her she is trying to get work minsan. I know her capabilities so I know and confident that she can get a job if she just tried harder. I can safely say that I did all the push that I can without her feeling "pressured" because sometimes she complains that she is being pressured.

I guess, Maybe that other aspects of her that changed for me is just being amplified but for my peace of mind and unloading things here it is . I feel that shes is being too naggy, I know partly this is my fault , to put it short burara din kasi ako sa bahay but I feel like I am doing my part nmn sa house chores and such its just that she has her own standards pag dating sa "kalinisan" sa bahay. I feel that she is too demanding , there are times that she asks for me to pay her families bills , and such . It is not a big deal for me since to be honest it is really occasional and it is not a big amount. She is also very needy I know that girls have their own fears and such but sometimes gigising nya ako mid sleep from a stresfull day just to freaking kill a bug or what not. I feel that I can go on but the other things I can live with.

To be honest I am not sure if what I am feeling is bad and I should not be like this o if I am nit picking because of my main issue which is her being out of job for so long. I used to say that finances should not make or break a relationship but it is like we are not on the same page with our goals , I am not sure if am being too guilty since I sincerely believe that money should not matter sa relationship but again I don't know if what I am thinking is right.

It is weird for me to let others have a take on this but as I said I am just too desperate to know if what I feel is wrong or right. I guess I am doing this to have a "clearance" to break up because that actually crossed my mind and at the same time if don't want to hurt her feeling since I still love her.

Feel free to respond here if you need more information to make an "informed advise". I won't share any personal information but I will try as much as I can to give out all that is needed.
 

ravage

Administrator
since sabi mo you feel like you are falling out of love means you cannot tolerate her being her and that is the hardest part of it
pag di ka masaya sa inyong relasyon means kahit pa ano gawin mong adjust, the flame will eventually burn out
I would give it a time, give yourselves space... I mean both of you
 

iamlost

Leecher
Very much apricated ung advise. You point about the flame being burn out is on point I totally get this though ung sa space just to clarify did you mean like cool off? If so, can you elaborate anong advantages?
 

ravage

Administrator
[XX='iamlost, c: 1360768, m: 1880739'][/XX] yes.... cool-off, main advantage is yung sinasabi na "if you love someone, set them free"
madalas kasi, mas naaapreciate natin ang isang tao o bagay kapag nawala na sa atin, if you have space mare-realize mo pa lalo what she means to you but beware, when you set someone free laging anndun ang possibility na hindi na babalik, if you are free in the middle of your reflections and meditations tapos malinaw sayo na willing ka pa to give it another try tapos hindi ka na pala pwede makabalik sa kanya then purnada yan, that is the risk you have to take

same din about those petty things na sinabi ma na mahirap i-tolerate maaring di na mabago yan at yung maliliit na bagay na yan that piles up hanggang sa matabunan na ang pag-ibig mo sa kanya to the point na kahit pa gusto mo pa pero di mo na matanggap na ganun sya...
sa tingin ko naman you are matured enough para makita mo what is in the balance and what is not lalo pat at kita mo sa sarili mo ang shortcomings mo na di natin namamalayan eh maaring nagpapalayo rin ng damdamin nya sayo.

in the end it's alll about how much you can take vs how much you can give and how much you can sacrifice
yes parang napaka-romantic at chivalric yung kantang "ipaglalaban ko ang pag-ibig mo ano man ang mangyari" pero sa totoo lang, there is nothing romantic and chivalric about anything na kelangan natin mapagtiisan kung hindi naman kayang tiisin
 
Space muna TS as what boss ravage said, kailangan nyo yan. Specially ikaw, you need to think this through, though hindi naman basihan ang katagalan ng relationship kc even married couples for quite some time naghihiwalay pa rin. Once nakapag isip2x kna during "cool off" nyo, e explain mo lang sa kanya in a way na magiging maganda ang flow ng pag uusap nyo kahit break up & closure na ang magiging topic nyo..
Pray ka din for enlightenment, Godbless paps 😊
 

iamlost

Leecher
Good advice sir, I never thought of that aspect of space and of course I understand the risks as well. I always say that I am not good at emotions but i guess it is just me saying to avoid it which is why it hit a nerve ung "ipaglalaban ko ang pag-ibig mo ano man ang mangyari" cuz i feel like this is what i am doing i am just not admitting it.
I kind of understand your point as well ung balancing , but just to make sure. You are saying that my feelings about things that i cant tolerate is neither good or bad it is about how should i balance it to what i can give to keep things alive. In the end I can only take so much....
 
Brad... Tama naman naiisip mo, kasi di sure future niyong dalawa wala namang mali pero para mag patuloy need niyo i take ang 2nd step or mag karoon ng goal sa isat isa.... Kung i take niyo next step gaya nga ng sinabe ko okay na mag kaanak kasi matagal narin kayo... Kung sa goals naman pag trabauhin mo siya kung gusto niya at may maipundar kayo, hirap din kasi ata ng ganon yung babae lagi nasa bahay kasi kung parehas kayo may job makakapag plan kayo tuwing dayoffs niyo, para sa time niyong isat isa pero kung ikaw lang mag trabaho, mahihirapan ka talaga niyan
 

httpsiopaooo

Enthusiast
Salamat lods. Sa relationship kasi team kayo, kaya mahirap naman lods pag magisa kang magddesisyon. Saka gaya nga ng sabi mo paps ts, ayaw mo siyang saktan at sa tingin ko sa 10+ years niyo, deserve niyang malaman na ganyan yung nararamdaman mo sakanya.
 
Wala talaga mapapala sa advice ng babae 🤦🏻‍♂️


Screenshot_20210712_185614_com.facebook.orca_edit_97670589051761.jpg
 

Attachments

ravage

Administrator
[XX='iamlost, c: 1360829, m: 1880739'][/XX] "feelings about things that i cant tolerate is neither good or bad it is about how should i balance it to what i can give to keep things alive. In the end I can only take so much...."
yes, dahil wala ka naman talaga makikita na perpektong babae according to your likings, palagi yang may tinataglay na maliliit na bisyo, mannerisms or anything na maliit na bagay nga lang pero maaring sa pagtagal ng panahon eh mapuno ka at bigla na lang sumabog...
just like yourself nung sabihin mo na burara ka rin at ikinakagalit yan ng partner mo, maliit na bagay na kayang-kaya nya pagpasensyahan KUNG wala syang topak PERO take not lahat naman tayo may topak at times
malamang ganun ka rin sa kanya, at malamang yang pagkaburara mo na yan hindi mo na kayang alisin yan... why? because perhaps that is your uniqueness... that is who you are AND the things that you despise in her.... that is what she is
yun yung sinasabi ko na nagpa-pile up, dumadagdag ng dumadagdag until it reaches the breaking point na maaring sabihin mo na "AYAW KO NA!"
but then again, lahat naman yan eh nadadaan sa mabuting usapan
how much you can give? how much you can sacrifice? how much you can take? I don't know, ikaw lang makakapagsabi nyan
 

ledin

Elite
Wala kang respeto sa single. Jk. HAHAAHAHAH

Ewan ko pero para sa akin regardless kung ano pa man ang gender mali maging sobrang dependent sa partner lalo na pagdating sa pera. Mas okay kung parehong may trabaho kasi hindi naman sugar daddy/mommy ang partner eh. Lalo na kung pareho silang may natapos or may skills naman. Sayang lang.

Tanggap ko lang yung gan'yang scenario na yung isa kailangang mag-quit muna sa trabaho kung may anak na aalagaan o may sakit pero kung wala naman parang hindi ko nakikita yung rason kung bakit kailangang mag-quit pa kung capable naman. Isa pa, kung hindi naman yayamanin na tipong tagapagmana aba kayod-kayod din. Hahaha.

Based sa nabasa ko parang hindi naman talaga big deal para kay TS yung ibang mga bagay na nabanggit niya. Siguro nagpatong-patong na lang din talaga lahat. Yung sa trabaho talaga yata (kung tama naintindihan ko). Pakiramdam siguro ni TS siya lang mag-isa ang kumikilos.

Sana mapag-usapan nilang dalawa 'yon para magkalinawan at ma-settle na talaga nila kung kaya pa bang masalba relationship nila like kung kailangan lang ba nila muna ng "space" o pahinga. Tsaka para magkalinawan din lalo kung bakit ayaw ng partner niyang magtrabaho at kung wala na ba talaga siyang balak. Haha. Ang pangit din naman kasi (sa perspective ko) kung tinatamad lang talaga siyang mag-work ta's wala naman siyang iba pang valid reason. Parang ang hirap din kasing mag-stay kung hindi na pala sila tugma ng goals or plans sa buhay kasi may chance na maging balakid nila ang isa't isa sa ideal growth nila as individuals. Sa huli, sila lang naman talaga nakakaalam niyan eh. :(
 
[XX='ledin, c: 1361160, m: 1688694'][/XX] trueeee. Sang ayon ako since wala nga silang anak eh hindi justifiable na walang trabaho si Girl sa ganoong kahabang panahon. Opinyon ko lang din naman 'to since ako'y isang dukha eh 'di pepede na hindi kami kakayod ng magiging partner ko. Madaming what ifs sa buhay kailangan mag-ipon at yumaman HAHAHAHHAHA
 
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iamlost

Leecher
These are on point. " Pakiramdam siguro ni TS siya lang mag-isa ang kumikilos." and " hindi naman sugar daddy/mommy ang partner eh". I guess my only follow up on this is when is enough? , someone also replied that she deserves to know what I am feeling and yes I feel that too but to be honest I don't exactly what I am feeling, like i said i am not sure if its right or wrong. Getting these points from people helps me understand this.

ATM , I don't have an clear plans yet. I hope more people can give me perspective.

Thank you.
 

rr0131

Elite
siguro ts, its time to talk to her kung ano ba mga priorities niyo and ano ba ung essence ng pagiging live in partner niyo for the past years.
lahat naman talaga ng relationship dumadaan sa ganyan bagay, siguro kulang lang kayo sa proper 'communication' kung paano ba tatakbo ung relationship niyo.

mas okay siguro sometimes na ilista mo ung mga concerns mo sa relationship niyo, katulad nung sinabi mo na hindi na naging regular ung work niya for the past 9 years. i think kung sa ibang babae to, hihinto lang sila ng work kung my child/children na involve na. pero sa situation mo with your gf, ikaw lang din talaga or kayong 2 makakasagot kung bat umabot sa ganun. siguro fault mo din kasi my 'sinanay mo siya sa ganun part'. pero i dont blame you ts sa ganun..

pag dating naman sa love, ask yourself, are you still happy pa ba living your everyday life na kasama ko siya? worth it pa ba mga sacrifices mo? nakikita mo bang siya na tlaga for the rest of your lives?
kung na fall out of love ka na talaga, its better talk to her na to clear things and para wala kayong sama ng loob sa isat isa..


pero dont close the doors para sa mga pagbabago.. malay mo ung 10years na un naging aral lang para sa inyong 2. try to go somewhere na kasama siya, away dun sa comfort zone niyong 2 and tignan mo ung magiging result.

i hope nakatulong. and dont forget to pray ts, si god lang din makakapag bigay lahat sayo ng kasagutan sa mga tanong mo.. 👍🙏
 

ledin

Elite
[XX='iamlost, c: 1361714, m: 1880739'][/XX] para po sa akin, TS, kayong dalawa lang talaga makakapagpalinaw ng desisyon ng isa't isa since you know your relationship better than we do. Para sa akin, you will know when it is time to stop kapag hindi niyo na talaga kayang ma-settle at matanggap ang differences niyo. Kapag hindi niyo na kaya parehong maka-reach ng common ground at sabay umusad sa issues niyo, siguro hanggang do'n na lang talaga ("muna" since hindi natin sure kung magkabalikan din kayo someday if ever). Maganda talaga kung magagawa niyong mag-open sa isa't isa para marinig mo rin po side niya to be fair sa inyong dalawa. Baka may gusto rin siyang sabihin sa'yo. Mahirap din kasing pagsisihan sa huli kung hindi mo man lang narinig ang side ng partner mo. Para ikaw din ma-improve mo rin kung ano mang ayaw niya (kung kaya naman).

Sa part niya siguro she thinks she is doing enough. She will never know if you don't try to open it up sa kan'ya. Oo, may mga babae na gustong nag-wowork din sila, pero may mga babae rin naman na ideal sa kanila maging full-time housewives kumbaga they feel as if though they're best at it. Gusto nilang mag-focus sa pag-aalaga ng partner nila sa pamamagitan ng pagsisilbi sa partner nila at pag-aasikaso ng bahay. Kailangan niyo rin pong tanungin sarili niyo if you feel na nagkukulang siya ro'n. Umuuwi ka ba sa maduming bahay? Nagigising o nakakatulog ka ba na gutom? Yung nagging po sa inyo hindi kaya reminder ang dating sa kan'ya? Is she doing it for herself or for you? Is she really the demanding type or is she just trying to ask you for favors from time to time? You have to really consider those din po kasi baka isa lang naman talaga ang issue na meron kayo (which is yung trabaho) pero nadadamay mo yung ibang bagay nang hindi mo sinasadya.

There's nothing wrong with being a housewife/househusband naman as long as yung partner ay payag. Nagkakaroon lang talaga ng problema if kagaya po sa case niyo since mukhang hindi both partners ang may gusto ng gano'ng setup.

Before you decide na mag-ask ng space, siguro it would be best na i-try mo muna for the last time tanungin at i-convince siyang humanap ng trabaho. Baka naman hindi niya na kasi gusto yung idea na papasok sa office or something. Baka may iba siyang gustong gawin. Baka na-realize niya lang talaga na gusto niya sa bahay lang mag-work or mag-business. Baka gusto naman talaga niyang mag-trabaho pero nawalan na siya ng confidence sa sarili niya dahil sa tagal niyang walang trabaho. Baka nahihirapan siyang maghanap. Maganda rin kasing magkalinawan po kayo kung tugma pa ba kayo ng plans at goals. Malay niyo po maka-reach din kayo ng common ground. I'm hoping for the best po sa relationship niyo, TS.
 
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