Months ago, I used to be like you po, TS (maybe I still am(?) pero konti nalang
or maybe I'm just good at keeping those thoughts at bay). And I have tried to off myself plenty of times, yet I am still here.
I just gave up.
Might as well continue on living and maybe I'll find a reason to get up in the morning and not feel miserable and hopeless.
Meditation helps me a lot when it comes to mind fog. I still have my off days though. But it's not as bad as it used to be. Not taking medications, gave up consulting pDocs years ago.
And sa mga nagpupumilit na sabihin na naligaw ka ng landas palayo kay god, or kung anu ano, ang masasabi ko lang sa kanila, kahit anong sabi/advice/pilit/brainwash ang gawin nyo sa kanya, kung ayaw nya, at wala syang makitang merit sa mga sinasabi nyo, evrything you'll say/you've said fall on deaf ears.
Only you can help yourself. Kahit gano karaming braso/kamay ang mag abot ng tulong, nandun parin sa tao kung iga-grasp/aabutin ba nya yung kamay/braso nung gustong tumulong.
Keep on breathing, TS and stay hydrated, ang init sa Pilipinas.
virtual hugs