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It was not me to act like this. I have never been like this before. In fact, I was a happy-going person and active in my studies. But one day I just lost interest in everything, even the things that I used to love before. It's been a while since I seemed like this (just last semester actually. It was a stressful days carrying my group on my back from making the documents and programming our whole system, a group that turn into a one man team). I thought it would just pass and I would get better again, but I was wrong. It is getting worse to the point that I don't even know what's going on with myself anymore. I don't know what's going on inside me. I needed help, but no one could help me. No one could understand what was going on inside me. I can't help myself. I don't know what to do. It seems like I look fine. It seems like I act fine. It seems like I'm okay, but I'm not. I don't know why. I'm exhausted. There were no words that could heal me. There are no words that could help me. My heart rejects all those comforting words. I want to be helped, but I refuse to be helped and refuse to get healed. I can't understand my own anymore. What's going on inside me? I just want to sleep eternally. I want to sleep calmly and NEVER WAKE UP. I want it all to end here. It was comforting every time I imagined it, but.... there is still a small part of me whispering, "can you imagine how your loving mother would suffer if you slept and decided to never wake up again?".
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