Three vampire brothers decide to hold a competition to see which one of them is the most powerful
The first brother is the strongest."Watch this," he says, and takes off at nearly 100 miles per hour. Two minutes later, he returns, his mouth covered in blood.
"What happened?!" his brothers exclaimed.
"You see that mansion over there?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, I went over there and sucked each and every last family member dry. They are all dead."
"Wow!" his brothers say. "As expected, for you are the strongest."
The second brother to go is the oldest.
"Watch and learn, boys," he says, and takes off even quicker, at 150 miles per hour.
Five minutes later, he returns, both his mouth and his neck covered in blood.
"What happened?!" His brothers exclaimed.
"You see that village over there?"
"Yeah?" They said.
"Well I went over there and killed every last person in the entire village. There is not one left alive."
"Wow!" his brothers say in awe. "As expected, for you are the oldest and have the most experience."
The third brother is the fastest. Not to be outdone, he says "Watch this, and don't blink or you might miss it."
He flies off, faster than the rest of them, going at least 200mph.
In only ten seconds, he returns. His entire mouth, nose, and neck are covered in so much blood, it stains the front of his shirt.
"What happened?!" his brothers exclaimed.
"You see that giant tree over there?"
"...Yeah?"
"Well I sure ****in' didn't."
Three vampires challenge themselves to a blood drink off
The first one comes back, 10 minutes later, lips bloodied proud of himself.The two others ask him how he got so much blood, so the vampire points towards a corpse drain of all it’s blood only to say: you see that girl, yep, that’s her blood!
The second vampire turns into a bat and leaves, he comes back 5 minutes later shirt covered in blood, lips bloodied and eyes blooshot.
The two other vampires ask him who was the victim so the second vampire points towards an obese man drained of all its blood only to say: you see that fat piece of dead meat, yep, that was my fiest.
So the third vampire turns into a bat, leaves.. he comes back barely 30 seconds later, hairs covered in blood, shirt and pants bloodied, face drowned in blood, eyes full of blood. So the two other vampires ask him how he got so much blood. The third vampire points towards the end of the street at a lonely pole only to say; see that pole over there? Yep, well i didn’t
I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself...
my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"A vampire ********ting in front of a mirror
Bet you didn't see that coming.2 nuns are in a car at a stop light in Transylvania when a vampire blocks their car...
One nun says to the other “Quick sister, show him your cross!”The other nun rolls down the window and yells “Get the bloody hell out of middle of the road *******!”
A guy is lost in the forest, when suddenly a vampire jumps from behind a tree
A guy is lost in the forest, when suddenly a vampire jumps from behind a tree. "I'm thirsty", says the vampire, "I'm going to to bite you in the neck and drink your blood!""Nooo!!!" cries the man, "Please don't! I have a wife and kids! I'm too young to die!"
"I don't care" says the vampire, "I still want your blood".
"Please, I beg you!" begs the man. "Have mercy! I'll give you anything. Let me live".
The vampire stops to think. "OK" he says. "I'm in a good mood today, so I will let you choose. Either I drink your blood or I **** you in the ass".
The poor guy cries, but eventually decides that being ****ed in the ass is better than having all his blood being drunk. He takes off his pants and the vampire ****s him in the ass.
After he is done, the man continues crying. "You can go now - I will not drink your blood" says the vampire, trying to cheer him up a bit. "Go back to your wife and kids. No one needs to know what happened".
The man continues crying. "What is someone saw us? I live in a small town. News will spread fast. Everyone will think I'm gay".
The vampire stops him: "You will have to deal with it. It's not the end of the world. Everyone thinks I'm a vampire - you don't see me crying".
Three vampires are in a cabin in the woods...
The three vampires are sitting together in a cabin talking about their accomplishments as vampires.Soon, they start to brag who's the best vampire. Then they suggest a competition: who can suck the most blood in the least time.
The first one leaves and returns after an hour, his lips bloody.
"You see that tree? behind it there's a farm and I just sucked all the blood from the residents!"
The second ones leaves and returns after half an hour, his chin dripping with blood.
"You see that tree? behind it is the farm and behind it a castle. I stormed the castle and drank all the platoon's blood there!"
The third one leaves and return in just 15 minutes, his head covered entirely in blood!
"What did you do?!" both vampires exclaim.
"You see that tree? well, I didn't!"
A vampire walks into a bar
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a shot of blood. Bartender gives it to him, he pays and leaves.Another vampire walks in, orders a shot of blood, takes it, pays and leaves.
A third vampire walks in and ask for a cup of hot water. Confused, the bartender asks why not a shot of blood? The vampire responds “Tea time” as he pulls out a bloody tampon.
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sê×ÿ vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.Three vampires are competing at who can drink the most blood
They decide to meet in an hour and see who drank the most. An hour passes and they meet. The first vampire's face is bloody. The second vampire is even bloodier, his hands are bloody aswell. But the third one won: the blood is dripping down his face and his shirt is coverred in it, and so are his hands. They decide to tell each other where they went. First one says: "Do you see that tree over there? There is a forest nearby where a boy scout camp is. That's where I went." The second one says: "Do you see that river over there? There's a village nearby. I went there." The third one says: "Do you see that street lamp over there? There's a small town nearby. I wanted to go there, but I hit my head on that lamp and broke my nose."What is a vampire's favourite thing to do?
***** open a boy with the cold ones.Most vampires suck at maths
unless you Count DraculaMy friends went to Transylvania to see if vampires really exist
That's ridiculous. I've lived there in a castle for 700 years and I've never seen one.Why don't vampires use autocorrect?
Because they love Type OsThe vampire joke
3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire amongst them.The strongest one started 1st,
"watch this," He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth. "what happened?" they asked. "did you see that house over there?" "yes?" "well.. I killed the entire family and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? fascinating, as expected from the strongest vampire"
Then the eldest one takes the next turn "watch and learn," he said as he flies even faster, about 120 miles/hour. After only 5 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth and his neck. "what happened??" they asked. "did you see that village over there?" "ye..yes?" "well.. I killed every last person on that village and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? magnificent! truly amazing, we can expect no less from the eldest one!"
Finally the last turn belongs to the fastest one, "don't blink or you'll miss it" he said as he flies really fast, even faster than the other two, about 140 miles/hour. After only a mere 30 seconds, he comes back with blood all over his mouth, his neck, and his nose. "wh..what happened???" they asked. "did you see that big damn tree over there?" "..yes?!" "well.. I didn't"
nakakaloko. Nobela pala.