This is my first time posting here, I felt na I should post this and share my personal story. Medyo may kahabaan pero I included a TL;DR below para sa gusto makatipid ng oras.
I dont know kung nasa tamang forum ako but If nasa maling category ako please tell me so I can delete it and move it immedieatley thanks in advance.
Warning:Wall of Text Incoming and Spoilers for the anime-
Its been a 2 months since I ran away from home. I felt nothing changed in my life and Im feeling worthless. I live in a apartment alone with my cat that I picked up on the streets. I do freelance work but not stable enough to feed myself and my cat. Felt hopeless and wondering what should I do. I went out to my apartment and bought some cig and something magical(drugs. Its not magical, its dumb I get it.) then went back. I did the ritual, got high and felt restless. I cant control my restlessness and I needed something to distract my attention to. Its been a long time since I watched an Anime series. So I tried finding a list of all the newly released and Im randomly choosing from the title of the anime series then I stumbled across on this anime(Carole and Tuesday). \SPOILER ALERT\So I watched it but I wasnt really paying attention. As I continue watching the from the first episode to another. This song("Someday I'll Find My Way Home"from Ep5.) played and before I even realize I increased the volume as high as possible. I froze and focused my self to the scene. The cozy scene, and the beautiful lyrics gave me a nostalgic vibe and gave me a warm feeling. It felt like I was one of the audiences watching them closely. I didnt notice that I was crying while listening to it(because im high? Idk?).
Calming myself down the series got me hooked and continued watching every episode. Im at the 15th episode of the series. Then a song*(Miserere mei, deus by Desmond*) played. And it got me emotional(again). As the scene progress, Desmond greeted both Carole and Tuesday telling them they are quiet alike because of the song they wrote ("Loneliest Girl")Tuesday asked Desmond a question and his answer piqued my interest.
12:34 mark
"Tuesday: Um, Do you all your time here with the plants?
Desmond: Yes, I wake up, sing and fall asleep here.
Desmond: The flower understands music. Living things need not just nourisment for the body, but for the soul aswell. Beautiful things and beautiful expressions. They're vital to the soul. Without them the soul withers. "
Its a simple dialogue for most of you but for me it had a huge impact. I know its lame and shallow for me to say this but as he said those lines to Tuesday, I compared my soul to the flower Desmond is talking to. I told to myself "I'm pretty sure mine is already withered".
Upon arriving to their destination. Desmond asked both Carole and Tuesday why people sing. We all have different answers but the for me "Singing translates the feelings that we cant explain someone" (or im just assuming things again). He told a story that every song he wrotes is for the man he loved who died young. On how he isolated himself and he stopped singing but he said the friends of the man he loves visit him who heard his music gave him strength to continue. I know its weird for me to think his story it felt similar to mine with only diffence that i fell inlove witha woman and I almost killed her(not literally but, she commited suicide and stopped by her friends on time) specially that he is a fictional character. At 15:11 mark he said
"I don't need to convey this to anyone."
"It's enough to have that one person, I want to truly convey my feelings to."
"I don't care they dont reach him, If my feelings are real I know many people will emphasize"
I felt a needle like sting to my chest after he finished what he was saying. I was confused why I reacted that why but I ignored it that maybe my mind is playing tricks with me.
As the episode closing on its end. At 17:32, he said something that weirdly snapped me back to reality.
"Desmond: People change, Life is not eternal. However, this encounter, this moment is but a small ring. It will link up with others forming a long chain that continues forever. I think that's what eternity feels"
Im not going to be surprised if a professional told me that I have a few screws lose inside my head. I felt weird like he's talking to me personally. This character that has a similar story to mine and felt close to me.He proceeds to go to his piano as he played his final song("All I See") before he passed on.
After watching all the episode from the first to last episode. A lot of words are coming into my mind. I didn't understand what I was feeling, I just thought that maybe i took drugs more than my usual dosage why Im feeling. I lit my cig as I try to control my emotions. I knew that the cig alone wont calm me down so I played some music. I played all the songs from the show. I didn't able to control my emotions so I let it all out. Im remembering how all my life came apart, everything is clear, from the moment I pushed away people, shutted myself down, to running away,leaving everything behind, and end up like this. As the song plays, Im letting it all out and wailing but unlike before it felt different. It doesn't hurt when I was crying, my body feels lighter and my mind was quiet and peaceful. I can't remember the last time I felt that and got me scared for a moment.
After what happened, I calmed myself down and everything is normal. I took a quick rest and grabbed my phone to re-watch everything from the show. Its weird that a person like me got attached to the characters from a fictional show. Its embarrassing to say this but somehow songs from the show reached and cured my soul. And this weird dream of mine was born "I want to dedicate my life creating songs that can reach anyone, a song that can heal someone's soul, something that can nourish a withered flower like mine, a song that can save anyone just how it saved me" I know it's a really bold statement for someone like me but whatever happens im not going to change my mind and achieve that dream.
I can proudly say I already have 2 songs that I'm currently working on and practicing. It'll be a long way for me to achieve such a big dream but I already have plans on doing street performances because its the best option I have at the moment, primarily im going to use some of the songs ived written and do some cover songs from the series.
If you took time reading everything what I posted, Huge thank you for the patience and perseverance for reading the whole thread. Maybe some of you are cringing so hard while reading the post you have my deepest apologies and respect.
PS: 10/10 would recommend to anime/non-anime fans to try watching the series, It has a really good and realistic story. The OST are just perfect thats the only word I could think of.
PPS: Seriously dont do drugs. Its not good
TL;DR: Ran away from everything and felt despair. Extremely sad and wondering what to do with life. Went full retard, did drugs and watched an anime. Took interest to a fictional character with a strikingly similar life difficulties with OP. Got attached to the characters and songs from the anime and believed that he got inspired to live and got his passion back to write songs because of the series. OP decided to dedicate life to "*Write songs that can reach and cure everyone's soul"*just how OP got saved.¯\(ツ)/¯
I dont know kung nasa tamang forum ako but If nasa maling category ako please tell me so I can delete it and move it immedieatley thanks in advance.
Warning:Wall of Text Incoming and Spoilers for the anime-
Its been a 2 months since I ran away from home. I felt nothing changed in my life and Im feeling worthless. I live in a apartment alone with my cat that I picked up on the streets. I do freelance work but not stable enough to feed myself and my cat. Felt hopeless and wondering what should I do. I went out to my apartment and bought some cig and something magical(drugs. Its not magical, its dumb I get it.) then went back. I did the ritual, got high and felt restless. I cant control my restlessness and I needed something to distract my attention to. Its been a long time since I watched an Anime series. So I tried finding a list of all the newly released and Im randomly choosing from the title of the anime series then I stumbled across on this anime(Carole and Tuesday). \SPOILER ALERT\So I watched it but I wasnt really paying attention. As I continue watching the from the first episode to another. This song("Someday I'll Find My Way Home"from Ep5.) played and before I even realize I increased the volume as high as possible. I froze and focused my self to the scene. The cozy scene, and the beautiful lyrics gave me a nostalgic vibe and gave me a warm feeling. It felt like I was one of the audiences watching them closely. I didnt notice that I was crying while listening to it(because im high? Idk?).
Calming myself down the series got me hooked and continued watching every episode. Im at the 15th episode of the series. Then a song*(Miserere mei, deus by Desmond*) played. And it got me emotional(again). As the scene progress, Desmond greeted both Carole and Tuesday telling them they are quiet alike because of the song they wrote ("Loneliest Girl")Tuesday asked Desmond a question and his answer piqued my interest.
12:34 mark
"Tuesday: Um, Do you all your time here with the plants?
Desmond: Yes, I wake up, sing and fall asleep here.
Desmond: The flower understands music. Living things need not just nourisment for the body, but for the soul aswell. Beautiful things and beautiful expressions. They're vital to the soul. Without them the soul withers. "
Its a simple dialogue for most of you but for me it had a huge impact. I know its lame and shallow for me to say this but as he said those lines to Tuesday, I compared my soul to the flower Desmond is talking to. I told to myself "I'm pretty sure mine is already withered".
Upon arriving to their destination. Desmond asked both Carole and Tuesday why people sing. We all have different answers but the for me "Singing translates the feelings that we cant explain someone" (or im just assuming things again). He told a story that every song he wrotes is for the man he loved who died young. On how he isolated himself and he stopped singing but he said the friends of the man he loves visit him who heard his music gave him strength to continue. I know its weird for me to think his story it felt similar to mine with only diffence that i fell inlove witha woman and I almost killed her(not literally but, she commited suicide and stopped by her friends on time) specially that he is a fictional character. At 15:11 mark he said
"I don't need to convey this to anyone."
"It's enough to have that one person, I want to truly convey my feelings to."
"I don't care they dont reach him, If my feelings are real I know many people will emphasize"
I felt a needle like sting to my chest after he finished what he was saying. I was confused why I reacted that why but I ignored it that maybe my mind is playing tricks with me.
As the episode closing on its end. At 17:32, he said something that weirdly snapped me back to reality.
"Desmond: People change, Life is not eternal. However, this encounter, this moment is but a small ring. It will link up with others forming a long chain that continues forever. I think that's what eternity feels"
Im not going to be surprised if a professional told me that I have a few screws lose inside my head. I felt weird like he's talking to me personally. This character that has a similar story to mine and felt close to me.He proceeds to go to his piano as he played his final song("All I See") before he passed on.
After watching all the episode from the first to last episode. A lot of words are coming into my mind. I didn't understand what I was feeling, I just thought that maybe i took drugs more than my usual dosage why Im feeling. I lit my cig as I try to control my emotions. I knew that the cig alone wont calm me down so I played some music. I played all the songs from the show. I didn't able to control my emotions so I let it all out. Im remembering how all my life came apart, everything is clear, from the moment I pushed away people, shutted myself down, to running away,leaving everything behind, and end up like this. As the song plays, Im letting it all out and wailing but unlike before it felt different. It doesn't hurt when I was crying, my body feels lighter and my mind was quiet and peaceful. I can't remember the last time I felt that and got me scared for a moment.
After what happened, I calmed myself down and everything is normal. I took a quick rest and grabbed my phone to re-watch everything from the show. Its weird that a person like me got attached to the characters from a fictional show. Its embarrassing to say this but somehow songs from the show reached and cured my soul. And this weird dream of mine was born "I want to dedicate my life creating songs that can reach anyone, a song that can heal someone's soul, something that can nourish a withered flower like mine, a song that can save anyone just how it saved me" I know it's a really bold statement for someone like me but whatever happens im not going to change my mind and achieve that dream.
I can proudly say I already have 2 songs that I'm currently working on and practicing. It'll be a long way for me to achieve such a big dream but I already have plans on doing street performances because its the best option I have at the moment, primarily im going to use some of the songs ived written and do some cover songs from the series.
If you took time reading everything what I posted, Huge thank you for the patience and perseverance for reading the whole thread. Maybe some of you are cringing so hard while reading the post you have my deepest apologies and respect.
PS: 10/10 would recommend to anime/non-anime fans to try watching the series, It has a really good and realistic story. The OST are just perfect thats the only word I could think of.
PPS: Seriously dont do drugs. Its not good
TL;DR: Ran away from everything and felt despair. Extremely sad and wondering what to do with life. Went full retard, did drugs and watched an anime. Took interest to a fictional character with a strikingly similar life difficulties with OP. Got attached to the characters and songs from the anime and believed that he got inspired to live and got his passion back to write songs because of the series. OP decided to dedicate life to "*Write songs that can reach and cure everyone's soul"*just how OP got saved.¯\(ツ)/¯
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